Overcoming Regret With Discipline

“We must all suffer one of two things: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret.” – Jim Rohn

This is a subject that I wanted to write about for a while.

Regret can have a big impact on our lives.

How we deal with that regret can have an even larger impact on our lives.

I am just an average dad trying to figure things out.

I have some wins, and I have some losses.

How my boys and others witness how I handle these wins and losses is a big deal.

It teaches them how to handle life, which is a big deal for me.

That is why I am always driving towards self-improvement and becoming the best version of myself. There are things that I wish I learned earlier in life. Not that my parents did not try to teach me, but I did not listen very well. I do not want to make the same mistakes with my kids.

As I travel down this path of becoming the best father, husband, and man, I want to share those adventures and misadventures with you.

Today, I want to introduce you quickly to the negative impacts regret can have on your life and highlight a few ways discipline can help you overcome some of this regret.

Overcoming regret with discipline involves a proactive approach to making better choices and positive habits.

What the hell is regret?

A regret is a feeling of disappointment or sadness about a past event. It can have a particularly strong impact when this “something” is a loss or a missed opportunity.

Regret involves reflecting on past decisions, actions, or events and wishing you had handled them differently.

There are a few sources where regret can come from:

Missed opportunities. This would be not taking advantage of opportunities such as career advancement because you were scared or lacked the confidence to do so. It could also be missed opportunities for self-growth or education. Dropping out of college is a basic example of something people might regret later in life.
Poor Decisions. We have all made poor decisions that we regret. To this day, I regret poor decisions that ended my time with a company and a group of co-workers I liked earlier in my career. Anytime we make choices that lead to negative outcomes, we can create regret. Examples of this could be unhealthy relationships, financial mistakes, or decisions that have caused harm to people in our lives we care about. The best example I can give is selling my home in Japan. We debated for a long time whether to rent or sell it. With the current USD exchange rate of JPY, it was probably a mistake to sell the home. This is something I regret.
Unfullfilled Potential. This is an important one, and that is why I created The Day Warrior to help people unlock their full potential. We can become regretful whenever we ignore our passions, talents, and dreams out of fear, distraction, conflicting priorities, procrastination, or external forces. There is nothing worse than getting older, looking back, and regretting your unfulfilled potential.
Neglected Relationships. This might be one of the biggest sources of regret. It is an area that I have direct experience with. My boys are still younger. My wife and I married later in life and had our boys just in the nick of time before it became a physical impossibility. They were both gifts, but what is that saying, “Spend time with your kids; they grow up so fast?” I traveled across the Asia Pacific for a high-priority project right after my first child was born. I left an ERP project the weekend of going live to rush home for my first son’s birth. I did not miss that, but I did miss the first steps and some other milestones due to being away from home. Failing to repair or nurture key relationships with the important people in your life can lead to regret. This could include family, friends, wives, husbands, and parents. The regret can be especially strong if connections with these people are lost.
Inaction. Letting fear, double, lack of confidence, or complacency prevent you from taking action at critical moments can lead to regret. This is similar to missed opportunities, leading to regret over what could have been achieved or experienced.

This is my short list of things that can lead to regret.

Please let me know if I missed something. Are there things that you have experienced regret for that I have not covered?

I would love to know what you have to say.

Regret Wrecks Havoc If You Let It

Regret can eat away at a person.

“Regret is an appalling waste of energy; you can’t build on it; it’s only good for wallowing in.” – Katherine Mansfield

Regret can prevent you from accomplishing the important things in your life if you let it.

Emotional Distress. Regret can create overwhelming and persistent sadness, guilt, and frustration. I felt this when I sold my home and moved back to the United States. I was moving back to the United States to start the next chapter of my professional life and give my boys new opportunities in the US that I thought they did not have in Japan. But for me, it created a triple whammy of regret. I regretted leaving my dream of living in Japan behind. I regretted leaving behind my friends, family, and experiences in Japan. I regretted giving up our beautiful home in Japan. These kinds of things can have a negative impact on your mental health and well-being. When I moved back from Japan, I experienced this and had to overcome it.
Reduced Self-Esteem. Constantly dwelling on past mistakes or missed opportunities can lead to feelings of lower self-worth or self-confidence. These feelings can become especially destructive to obtaining your goals because they can make it overwhelming to move forward and make positive changes.
Analysis Paralysis. Overthinking, dwelling on, and obsessing about regret about what could have been can prevent you from taking action in the present. Regret can cause you to become stuck in the past, unable to execute the things critical to being successful at the moment. This leads to more missed opportunities and stagnation, leading to more regret, and the spiral will continue.
Strained Relationships. Regret impacts us, and our behavior can impact those around us. Regret can cause you to withdraw from those you care about or even act out negatively. The behavior you can exhibit from regret can damage your relationships with friends, family, and work colleagues.
Physical Health. As with all emotional stress, regret can also lead to increased stress and manifest itself physically. It can cause trouble sleeping, headaches, fatigue, and a weakened immune system.

None of these items will help you get ahead in life.

What can you do to overcome regret?

Using Discipline to Overcome Regret

First off, I want to make something clear.

I am not a psychologist. I

I am also not a trained therapist.

These are my recommendations based on my personal experience.

I would love to hear additional ideas from my readers.

As stated earlier, overcoming regret with discipline requires a proactive approach.

You have to make better choices and create better habits.

Acknowledge and Accept. You must recognize the regret and accept it as part of your past. It is important to see if you can turn it into a positive. What did the regret teach you? Remember, the mistakes we make in life and the missed opportunities build the experience we need to succeed. Past regret may be that critical piece of experience you need to help you accomplish your goals. In my example above, I mentioned my regret for leaving Japan. Initially, my regret held me back and distracted me when I first returned to the United States. I transferred the negative feelings of regret to acceptance and instead leveraged my positive experiences in Japan to obtain a good job opportunity. It is important to understand what causes regret. It is important to know what valuable lessons and experiences it can create.
Set Clear Goals. Moving forward and getting past the regret requires clear goals. In the example above, I struggled to execute after returning from Japan. I knew my first job after returning was not my best opportunity, and I took a hit in my confidence. I went from living my dream in Japan and being the head Information Technology guy for my company in Asia Pacific to a role with much less responsibility. I kept focused on finding a role that better matched my vast experience. When you have regrets, it is important to have clear, achievable goals that help you focus your efforts and energy.
Create a Plan. Develop a plan to achieve your goals. If you cannot figure it out, start writing. I just completed a newsletter titled Write To Figure Out Where You Are Going. It is important that you break down your plan into achievable milestones. If the goal and plan are too complex, you will just set off more regret from missed opportunities and unfulfilled potential. Slow down, think it through, and write a clear and decisive plan to help you achieve your goals.
Build Healthy Habits. I call them systems. I also wrote a newsletter on Systems vs. Goals, which will give you many more ideas on creating systems successfully. It is extremely important to implement systems that help you establish daily routines that support your goals and help you execute the plan you have created. Consistency is critical. Even small accomplishments can lead to significant progress over time.
Stay Committed. You have to be consistent. Stick to your plan. Execute your systems even when it becomes difficult. Each challenge you overcome is creating the experience you need to be successful. Do not run from challenges; instead, embrace them and overcome them. It is important to get the small wins. Do not forget that you have set these goals to overcome your regret. Do not give up; otherwise, you will fall back into the regret you are trying to put in the rearview mirror.
Learn from Mistakes. This is one of my favorites. This can also become one of the biggest risks to executing your plan. So many people fear making mistakes. Learning from mistakes is important because it enables personal growth, builds resilience, and fosters a deeper understanding of oneself and the world. It builds critical life experience you need to overcome future challenges and obstacles to become successful and maintain success once you have it. It is the experience you need to continue to execute your plan. Continue to evaluate your progress and adjust your plan as needed.
Seek Support. It is okay to ask for help. Surround yourself with positive and supportive people. Watch out for Toxic People. It is okay to eliminate toxic people from your life. You want to surround yourself with people encouraging you to remain disciplined and grow. Accountability partners and mentors can help you remain motivated when facing challenges.
Celebrate Progress. It is really important to celebrate the small wins. Acknowledge your achievement. It is not all about endless hard work and learning from your mistakes. It is also important to recognize the progress you have made. This helps you keep focus on your goals and maintain momentum. It builds self-confidence and reinforces the plan you have created.