My Guiding Principles

I have been thinking a lot about my guiding principles. What are they? Why are they important? How do they shape my life and make me a better father, husband, man, and community member? How do they impact those around me? What are my sons learning from me when they observe me following my guiding principles?

Guiding principles are important because they are fundamental values or beliefs. They shape and influence our behaviors, decisions, and actions. In my case, they are my moral compass, a set of standards that I use to navigate the challenges I face. Guiding principles provide a framework to help me make ethical choices and ensure consistency in my decision-making.

Guiding principles often reflect core values like integrity, honesty, respect, fairness, and responsibility. There are many sources we can look to to help define our guiding principles, and they are very personal. Guiding principles enhance our ability to lead by example, help us care for our families, and contribute to the broader good. Our principles help us be better fathers, husbands, and men.

I will discuss some of my guiding principles at the bottom of the article. Some are very mature guidelines that help me make daily decisions. Others are works in progress that I modify as I gain more experience.

While having a solid foundation of values and principles is essential, it is also important to be open to modifying them based on experience and new information.

I am introducing a few sources that have influenced my guiding principles.

A Real-life Example

What are some real-world examples of guiding principles? What sources can we look to to help define our guiding principles?

Scott Adams is the creator of the famous comic Dilbert. During his famous podcast, Coffee with Scott Adams, he introduces many guiding principles.

Systems Over Goals

Scott advocates focusing on systems rather than specific goals. He argues that systems are repeatable and help you make consistent progress.

Goals can be limiting and often lead to a cycle of short-term successes and failures. An example of a goal would be setting a target to lose a specific amount of weight.

If you do not have a robust system, you will likely be unable to maintain your weight loss.

Scott would argue that creating a system is better. A system where you eat healthier and exercise would lead to weight loss.

I have a few systems in place that are working well.

It has become a habit for me to walk a lot every day.

For example, today, I have hit my daily walk, move, and exercise goals for four hundred and forty-two days. I

I have also done well at eliminating sugar-based drinks from my diet. I have converted my daily intake of soda or sugary coffee drinks to a once-a-quarter treat. 

There are many opportunities for me to build more systems. I am working on consistent execution. I am focused on writing more, building my blog, and building my business. This requires discipline that allows me to build content and products consistently.

It requires developing personal systems that allow me to create and maintain an online community.

Also, I work towards being more deliberate about making time for my boys. Please see my recent article Get off your butt, play with your kids.

Skill Stacking

Skill stacking is a strategy for achieving success by combining several everyday skills. This combination can create a unique and highly useful skill set.

“Every skill you acquire doubles your odds of success.” – Scott Adams.

Instead of becoming the best at one specific skill, you can become incredibly effective by being good at a combination of complementary skills.

A combination of moderate skills can be more valuable than being excellent in a single area.

The combination of skills is what makes you unique.

The combination of skills is what makes you unique.

You become rare and harder to replicate.

For example, someone might not be the best graphic designer, public speaker, or writer. But, combining those skills effectively can make them a standout marketing professional.

I started building my skill stack early in my career before I even knew it was skill stack building!

I graduated from university with a degree in Management Information Systems. I started my career as a primary computer programmer at a small marketing research firm.

I added good listening skills and helped management solve their system needs. This led to my first management role only one year into my career.

I went on to learn Japanese, which led to a twenty-two-year career in Japan. It opened up opportunities had never considered before. My career expanded to a leadership role across Asia Pacific. I was able to travel to many countries across the same region. I met my wife. I bought my first house in Japan. Japan is also where my two boys were born.

I would still be a computer programmer in Michigan if I had never tried to build my skill stack.

Today, I continue to try to add new skills to grow and become sovereign over all the key components that are important to me.

I am always working to add skills that help me create content and products that help others.

Maximize Your Energy

Scott emphasizes the importance of managing your energy. He believes happiness and productivity are deeply tied to our health.

We should do everything possible to create routines and diets that enhance our energy.

Scott manages his energy through diet and nutrition, exercise, quality sleep, mental management, and work environment optimization.

I struggle with this area and am trying to manage, improve, and maximize my energy.

I sometimes lack the energy to focus on family, writing, and the priorities in my life. This level of energy does not allow me to perform at an optimal level.

A couple of areas I am currently focused on are:

• I meet my daily exercise goals. I am very consistent with this. I am averaging 16,000 steps a day in 2024, 15,000 steps a day in 2023, and 16,000 steps a day in 2022. I am amazed I can maintain the same average as in Japan, where walking is a way of life.
• I have tried to improve my sleeping habits. I have been getting in bed earlier, between 9:30 and 10:00, which has allowed me to increase my average hours of sleep. Prior to 2024, I was averaging at most six hours a night. For the first half of 2024, I have averaged closer to seven hours a night. I do have sleep apnea, which is impacting the quality of my sleep.
• My diet is okay. I have eliminated any sugary drinks. I have a special treat once a quarter. I eliminated soda first but replaced it with sweet coffee drinks, but now I am a happy black coffee dude. I used to get excited walking to my local Starbucks in Japan to get a Gingerbread Soy Latte. I cannot even drink it anymore. It is too sweet and does not taste natural. I still have a lot of work to do in this area.
• I do struggle with downtime and relaxation. I feel guilty when I am not doing something productive. I have to be accomplishing stuff all the time. Two young boys keep me busy. Both are more spoiled and demanding than they should be.

The bottom line is that I am building and modifying my systems to optimize my energy levels. Unfortunately, I am still firing on only five, six, or seven of eight cylinders on any given day.

As I gain more experience in this area, I want to become an energy monster and perform at a higher level.

Fail Forward

Scott emphasizes failing fast and learning from your mistakes.

He believes in the power of learning from failures. Failures are a necessary step towards success, and they can help us move forward and achieve success.

Failing fast means discovering what does not work. It helps accelerate the learning process.

Through failure, we can gain valuable insights. They help us discover necessary improvements for a project or strategy we are working on.

Failure creates the opportunity to learn from experience.

I learned a lot from my mistakes while living in Japan. 

I was not what you called the best student when I was learning Japanese.

Even when I participated in an exchange program in Japan, I took a beginner course. After one year of Japanese, I was still only a novice.

That did not stop me from applying for jobs to follow my dream of living and working in Japan.

I found my first job at a US auto parts manufacturer in Kasugai, Japan. I depended on the few English speakers working in the office to help me through each workday. I was bouncing headfirst into language and cultural challenges.

There were times I wanted to give up, and when heading back to Michigan seemed like a no-brainer. Instead, I continued to push myself with new and more challenging roles that forced me to use my Japanese.

Before I knew it, I was flying solo on Japanese customer visits. This was scary and exhilarating at the same time. I failed a lot, but I gained a lot of experience.

My failures continued, but my successes became more frequent. I created a very fulfilling and successful career in Japan and across Asia Pacific.

Another Real Life Example

Jocko Willink, a retired Navy SEAL commander, emphasizes guiding principles focused on leadership, discipline, and responsibility.

His list of guiding principles is long, but I will grab three that have impacted me.

Extreme Ownership

This is the core principle of Jocko’s philosophy. It involves taking full responsibility for everything in life and work.

It means owning your team’s outcomes, acknowledging your mistakes, and working to fix them without blaming others.

Discipline Equals Freedom

Jocko points out that discipline in all aspects of life leads to freedom.

This includes personal discipline in daily habits, discipline in professional tasks, and maintaining a healthy lifestyle.

The idea is that structure and consistency free you from chaos and indecision.

Prioritize and Execute

I sometimes struggle with this. My planning and approach can be a bit disorganized, which can sometimes make outcomes elusive. It is one of my opportunities to improve, but it is still a guiding principle.

When faced with numerous tasks or problems, prioritize them based on their overall impact and urgency.

Focus on the most critical issues first and move on systematically.

This principle helps manage stress and enhance effectiveness.

Back to My Guiding Principles

So, what are my guiding principles?

What are the principles I want to instill in my boys?

I want them to understand the importance of the five Fs: freedom, family, fitness, faith, and flow. These are some of my core values and guiding principles in my daily life.

These guiding principles contain many of the themes talked about above.

Freedom

Freedom is a concept that can be interpreted in various ways depending on the context.

It refers to the right to act, speak, or think without restraints.

My definition of freedom can encompass several dimensions, including political, economic, and personal.

Political Freedom

“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.” – United States Constitution.

It is essential to reinforce our political freedoms in everything we do. We live in a country whose founding protects certain unalienable Rights: the right to free speech, the right to bear arms and protect the people we love, and the freedom to worship as we please.

I know that these freedoms are being challenged today. Thomas Jefferson said, “The price of freedom is eternal vigilance.” The darn word has free in it, but freedom is not free!!!

To understand freedom, we must learn everything we can about our history, including our country’s founding.

We also have to ensure that our children have access to our country’s founding history. Education is not only what they read in history books. It is also the life experiences we can share as parents.

Make sure they understand what freedom means to you. Tell them how you feel when the Air Force does a flyover at a sporting event. Tell them what it means to you when there is a military funeral for your father.

Protect your Political Opinions

Practice humility and meekness when defending your political rights and opinions. Modern-day definitions of meek have ruined the power of its original meaning.

Many believe being described as “meek” might suggest weakness or timidity.

The actual definition of meekness is more about humility, gentleness, and self-control. It is the opposite of a lack of strength or courage.

Meekness is not about being weak. It’s about exercising God’s strength under control. Meek individuals are those who have power. Meek individuals choose to exercise it with restraint and compassion.

Stand your ground but practice the following when debating your political views:

• Practice Active Listening. Active listening goes beyond hearing the words someone speaks. It means trying to seek and understand the meaning and intent of those words. Please be fully engaged in the conversation. Pay attention to non-verbal body language. Show interest with eye contact. Ask open-ended questions to show interest and learn. Summarize what they say and repeat back to show them you understand. Listen to understand, not only to respond. Withhold judgment and advice. Active listening shows respect, value, and empathy for people.
• Maintain Self-control. Do not be that guy. Do not be the guy who loses it and attacks those who disagree with them. Do be aggressive. Do not be impulsive. See what you can learn from the situation. Practicing meekness involves keeping our emotions in check even when discussions become passionate or confrontational.
• Show Respect. Respect people with different opinions. Learn from them. Understand the best of what they have to offer. Do not focus only on the negative. I do believe we are stronger together, and our opinions can also be stronger together. This does not mean you should sacrifice your morals. Do not sacrifice your values. Treat others with dignity and respect, regardless of their political views. Meekness involves recognizing the value of each person as an image-bearer of God. This transcends political affiliations.
• Be Humble. Acknowledge that you may not have all the answers and be open to learning from others. Admit when you are wrong. Admitting when you are uncertain demonstrates humility, a key component of meekness.
• Focus on Shared Values. Remember, we are one nation under God. We may disagree, but we have to remember our common or shared values. This is hard to do. There are forces trying to make our differences appear greater than they are. There appears to be an active attempt to divide this country. Try to find common ground based on broader values.

Be meek, don’t be a chump.

When I was growing up, movies, TV, and school taught me so much about our freedoms in this country.

I also received the same patriotic message from my parents and friends.

I am not sure my boys receive the same environmental message I did growing up.

This summer, I will homeschool my boys about American History.

of the knowledge and experiences I have about our country. Help them have the information I did growing up so they can shape their patriotic views.

Not Only About Politics

Freedom is also about becoming sovereign.

A sovereign man can provide for himself financially, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.

A sovereign man protects himself, his loved ones, and those who cannot protect themselves.

In his book Sovereignty: The Battle for the Hearts and Minds of Men, Ryan Michler says, “A man who has given up his sovereignty fabricates excuses. He tells himself stories. He tells himself lies.”

A man or woman not chasing freedom is forever putting limits on their true potential. This is not a life of freedom.

This is not the freedom I would want to teach my kids about.

Educate yourself. Knowledge and wisdom are critical to making decisions about your life and finances. This can include learning about personal finance and investments. As Scott says above, it could build your skill stack.

Achieve financial independence. Achieving financial freedom is a crucial aspect. This involves creating a robust financial plan. It means investing wisely, saving money, and finding multiple sources of income. Understanding and managing your own finances can help you reduce your dependence on employment.

Personal sovereignty means making decisions that align with your values. You should lead a life that you dictate rather than one shaped by societal expectations.

Today, I have not met my sovereignty goals in all three of the previous categories.

Today, I am not one hundred percent sovereign. Eighty percent or more of what my kids learn from their parents is through observation. If I am only twenty to forty percent sovereign, are they observing what I want them to?

Their journey to becoming sovereign is essential. The meaningful experiences we gain on that path are what we need to remain sovereign.

As a side note, can you take advice on sovereignty from someone who is not sovereign today? My advice sounds reasonable. Let’s figure it out together. One of the reasons I created this blog is to allow each other to learn by observation.

I want my boys to observe my journey. That is reason enough to work harder towards becoming sovereign.

Family

” You don’t choose your family. They are God’s gift to you, as you are to them. ” 

Desmond Tutu

This quote highlights that family is a precious and often irreplaceable part of life. They are bestowed upon us by something greater than ourselves.

I know that not all families are perfect—mine is not either—but they are my highest priority.

Family is important because it provides a foundation of love, support, and belonging. It shapes who we are and helps us navigate the complexities of life. of this, I lived in Japan for most of my adult life,

Family impacts the decisions I make every day.

Family creates an immediate sense of responsibility and discipline.

They instill a sense of duty to care for one another. They help teach the importance of helping and looking out for others.

I did not get married until my late thirties, and I did not have my first child until my mid-forties. On top of that, I lost a lot of connection to my family.

For most of my adult life, life was all about me. My wife and boys have helped me relearn the importance of family.

Why is family a guiding principle?

Family is a guiding principle because it defines and shapes decisions we make every day.

Minor and major decisions.

Do I watch TV or go outside to play with my boys? You boys only remain young once. Get off your butt, play with you kids!

They impact our financial decisions. When we have a family to support, we tend to be more conservative about spending money on toys and other self-indulgences.

They even impact significant decisions. I am making some personal decisions about my career. A very trusted friend has approached me about an exciting career opportunity. The role requires regular travel. At least fifty percent of the time, I would be working away from home for an extended period. While the single me would jump at the opportunity, the family me has other priorities.

My kids are only kids once, I do not want to miss fifty percent of my time with them.

I am not the perfect parent. I often walk in the door after work and want my own personal time.

There are days when I resent that my boys want to shoot hoops or play Wiffle Ball with me after a long day of work. Crazy, right? I am the luckiest guy in the world to have two loving boys who cannot wait for their dad to get home to play with them.

I just want to say that no one is perfect. I am not perfect. I love my kids. I love to play with them. Most of my decisions prioritize them, but we cannot be that person one hundred percent of the time.

After forty years of being single, I am still learning what it takes to be a dad.

Fitness

Fitness and health shape every aspect of my daily life.

As a guiding principle, it may be one of the more challenging areas for me.

The following are four primary areas of focus for me.

• Exercise is a crucial area of focus. As a guiding principle, I work to build systems and habits that make exercise a regular part of my life. I struggle between setting elusive goals, which we meet then lose, and building systems that help us build and maintain strength. We form habits to improve endurance or enhance flexibility and continue to improve.
• Good nutrition is another critical area in creating good habits. Building systems that ensure that you eat a balanced diet is critical. You need the correct food for your body to maintain all the systems you put in place. Without the proper nutrition, you will not have the energy to exercise or play with your kids. The right food will give you the brain power and focus you need to focus on work, writing, or projects. Nutrition is not only what we eat. It is also a process of continuous learning. We must build the experience we need to maximize output from our food.
• Rest and Recovery are also critical to a high level of fitness. This is an area I do not have strong habits. It is hard for me to sit still and rest. I am wired to be doing something productive all of the time. It is an area where bad habits are easy to form. Find time to rest. Read a good book. Long walks listening to music can help you unwind. Sleep is also essential. This subject is too complex to go into much detail here, but make sure you form habits to get enough sleep each night.
• Having the right mental mindset or connection is critical to your total fitness. It is not only the body that is important. The minds and soul are also essential. Mental fitness is more important than physical fitness. This subject also requires more than one blog post to explain. It is not as simple as adopting a positive attitude toward fitness. It is all about accountability. Surround yourself with people who hold you accountable to your systems and goals. Make sure they have similar values and goals. Be clear in your purpose for your life. Your guiding principles should be aligned with your self-defined purpose in life.

Having the proper physical and mental habits in place can help cre

Faith

Faith shapes how people view the world, interact with others, and make decisions. It is a moral compass for making decisions. It gives us patience when dealing with people we do not like very much. Faith plays a crucial role in personal development.

Faith can exist in a secular or religious worldview. My faith leans toward a belief in God, but a secular faith can provide equal value to many when defining their guiding principles. It could be faith in humanity, principles or ideologies, relationships, or oneself. 

There are areas in my faith that help to guide me every day.

• Faith provides moral and ethical guidance. It helps with the basic definition of right and wrong. I am a Roman Catholic, and much of what I have learned in my faith guides my moral compass. 

The most basic example is the Ten Commandments. As I grew older and began to understand the Bible better, I realized that the teachings of Jesus also set a foundation for right and wrong. “So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.” – Matthew 7:12

• Faith provides purpose and direction. Faith does not necessarily provide a color by dots, paint by number, or manual for life. Faith is more about keeping our guidelines focused on the right path that would provide prosperity. It is more of a push to continuously work towards becoming a better version of ourselves 

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” – Jeremiah 29:11. This verse for many reassures many that God has a plan in our life. While our purpose and direction are sometimes unclear, this message can guide our journey. The divine plan calls for prosperity, safety, and a positive outcome. 

• Faith helps us with our decision-making. Whether we hold a biblical or secular worldview, there is a fundamental belief in honesty. It is one of the first things we learn in the Bible and one of the Ten Commandments: “You shall not bear false witness against your neighbors.” Exodus 20:16. 

Honesty is also a highly valued secular view. It is foundational for trust and functional relationships. It is a general guiding principle for professional, personal, and societal relationships. It is a consensus that lying and deceit lead to mistrust and conflict. Honesty promotes transparency, trust, and cooperation. 

I often wonder what I want to be when I grow up, even in my fifties. But my faith does give me a certain work ethic or a general approach to life. Even if it is not always clearly defined, my faith reinforces that remaining focused and working hard will lead to good things. 

My faith keeps me motivated and faithful even in challenging times. It helps me understand that discipline is the most important aspect of working toward my purpose and direction. 

“No discipline seems pleasant at the time but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.” – Hebrews 12:11 NIV

Remaining disciplined in all aspects listed in the post is not a matter of self-control. I don’t know if any humans on this earth can always remain disciplined. Our faith is vital in providing the guiding principles necessary to remain focused. 

Faith helps us become and remain disciplined in everything we do.

Flow

Okay, this might be a made-up word. 

I needed five F’s to communicate clearly what my guidelines are. 

To communicate well, I decided to create my own words. 

Maybe I am lying a bit here. I did not make up the word flow. There is a clear definition, but I don’t know if anyone uses it as a guiding principle. 

Flow refers to a state where individuals are fully immersed in an activity, experiencing a sense of focus, engagement, and enjoyment that leads to losing awareness of time and self.

For me, flow is the culmination of all the guiding principles listed previously, creating the proper balance between the challenges we face in life and the skills we have to accomplish those tasks. 

It is having your purpose in life clearly defined. 

It is the dream job.

It is finding enjoyment in serving others versus working only for yourself.

As a guiding principle, it is a state where you have fine-tuned your other guiding principles. From the time you wake up in the morning until you go to bed at night, your day has the following characteristics.

Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi defined several characteristics that describe the psychological state known as flow.

• You are intensely focused and concentrated on the present moment. You are not fixated on the past or worried about the future. You are focused on executing what you must do now and enjoy what you do more than the average person. 

In this state, you are so focused on the present moment that you lose track of time.

Time flies by.

• You lose reflective self-consciousness. This is similar to the first point in the state, where you become so absorbed in your current activities that you stop being self-aware. 

In everyday terms, when you experience a loss of reflective self-consciousness, you are not thinking about how you appear to others, whether you are performing well or poorly, or worrying about various self-related concerns. Your attention is entirely on the task at hand, and there is no mental room left for self-evaluation or social anxiety. 

• This is a state where you have personal control over situations and activities. 

According to Csikszentmihalyi, when individuals are in a state of flow, they feel a strong sense of mastery and control over their actions. This doesn’t necessarily mean that the task is easy; instead, it suggests a balance where the challenges of the task are matched by the person’s ability to act effectively.

Earlier, we talked about building your skill stack. Building your skill and your experience helps create a sense of control. You need this feeling of control to sustain the focus on immersion you need to perform at your best. This leads to higher levels of personal and professional development.

Why is flow a guiding principle?

As a guiding principle, you should filter out those things that break your flow. 

Instead of spending hours on social media, you could focus on building the skill stack you need to feel confident about what you are working on to remain in flow. 

From personal experience, I have found that you lose confidence when you do not understand the job. It becomes a task you want to complete, but you lose confidence in it, and your flow is broken. 

Instead of eating unhealthy snacks late at night, you could follow a fasting plan. This might help provide you the focus and concentration need to remain in flow for the activities you are working on. 

Your guiding principles should help you focus on those things that maintain or improve the amount of time you remain in a state of flow. 

Conclusion?

There are no conclusions when it comes to developing and following our guiding principles. 

Self-development is a continuous journey. Growth is a perpetual process of improvement, learning, and adaptation, driven by introspection and experiences.

This is just a starting point. Let’s learn and build more experience together.